Rollin’ With The Homies
Whenever people ask me why I’ve never gone through with my fantasy plan to get a giant flaming heart tattoo on my big meaty bicep, I have to unsteadily explain that if I wanna get buried in a Jewish cemetery with the rest of my family, I gotta keep it clean or they’ll posthumously chop my arm off. Which is, you know, gnarly. What I didn’t realize until today, however, is that I’ll really need that arm at the end of days! According to this article on Jewcy, scripture states that when the Messiah comes, decomposing Jewish zombies will pop out of their graves all over the world and simultaneously start ROLLING towards Israel through a series of underground tunnels that end at the Mount of Olives. Once we’re all there, we’ll explode out of the mountain like a giant Jewish zombie tsunami, be reunited with our souls, and transform into the hottest, most awesomest version of our living selves. Yessssss! When I think of all the excruciatingly dull hours I spent in hebrew school being forced to memorize by rote words I was never taught the meanings of when they could have been telling me insane zombie stories instead, I get all riled up! Not to mention itchy for a lil’ trip to the tattoo parlor…
July 13th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
Holy crap! Well, it’s too late for me…
July 14th, 2007 at 10:44 am
I smell a horror movie script in the making.
July 17th, 2007 at 10:55 am
outstanding! i would convert but they’d have to remove my back. can one still be sexy without a torso?
July 17th, 2007 at 11:09 am
That’s exactly what I was gonna say, Jenni! I would totes go to see the movie at Court St. theater.
Also, there should be a contest to see which relig is the most morbs. That’s right, I just abbreviated “morbid” to “morbes.”
Morbes magazine.