Devil babies leave me be!!!
Eye-Gore Krypt Kiddie, originally uploaded by emilyrems.
I’m coming up on deadline again, so it should come as no surprise that I’ve once again been beseiged by sick fucking baby dreams. Here’s the latest chapter:
I look around and I’m in the emergency room of a hospital waiting in line to speak to the triage nurse. In front of me on line is a family (mother, father, sister, brother) and they are all screaming at each other. Finally the dad turns around and I realize it is the family of one of my close friends who died when we were 15. I’m debating whether I should insinuate myself into their fight to say hello when I’m suddenly stabbed with crippling abdominal pain . I look down and see I’m hugely pregnant and realize I’m in labor, so I push past the family and demand medical attention immediately. The nurse takes me inside a very chaotic, creepy, dirty, disorganized looking emergency room and sticks me in a corner to wait for the OB/GYN. While I’m waiting the pain continues, becoming more and more frightening and intense unti I’m screaming. Finally the doctor comes in and says I have to “break the seal inside” before I can give birth, so she suggests I shove my fingers up into my vagina as hard as I can until I feel a membrane, and then try to puncture that membrane with my hand until fluid comes out. It’s hard to reach and very uncomfortable, but I finally get my hand up there, and as I’m poking around, I realize that with every stab of my fingers, I can hear a baby screaming inside of me. I get scared and tell the doctor, but she tells me that it’s impossible for a baby to scream while it’s still inside me and I should keep poking. So I keep poking, until I can’t stand the screaming any more, so I stop and the screaming stops. The doctor leaves and suddenly my best friend Johanna walks in. I’m so relieved to see her and I beg her to try to find LCF since he doesn’t have a cell phone. She agrees and disappears, leaving me alone again in horrible pain. After what feels like hours of waiting alone, LCF shows up and is shocked and freaked out that I’m in labor since he didn’t know I was even pregnant. He tries to comfort me but I can tell he’s totally fucked up about the whole situation which is making me feel fucked up so I leave the hospital room and go hide in a small cramped bathroom. I sit on the toilet seat, but it’s got a plastic seat stuck to it, the kind you put on for potty training toddlers so they don’t fall in, so the seat is very uncomfortable. Suddenly the pain gets much much worse, and I start to give birth there on the toilet. A big purple amniotic sack oozes out of me, and inside I can see a baby floating inside. I rip the sack open with my fingernails and all this goo pours out and then the baby floats to the surface. It’s a boy, and he’s cold and gray and still, lying lifeless there in my hands. In that instant I know that because I followed the doctor’s instructions against my own better instincts, I’ve accidentally killed my baby. The grief and pain and confusion is unbearable as I clutch the dead baby to my chest and burst out of the bathroom and into the emergency room. Blood in pouring out of me and down my legs and onto the floor as I scream for someone to help me. Over and over again I scream “My baby’s dead, somebody help him, my baby’s dead!” Finally two teenage candy-striper-type nursing assistants come over and take the baby, and start speaking to each other very melodramatically, as if they are in a soap opera, saying to each other, “What shall we do? The baby is dead!” I look at my baby now in their hands and realize it looks suspiciously like a plastic doll. I start to wonder if I’m the butt of some kind of twisted hoax, and start looking around, paranoid, wondering who’s in on it. Then I wake up, crying and covered in sweat. It was all so real this time, it took me a while to fully realize it was all a dream.
February 6th, 2007 at 6:41 am
Han loves you!