emilyrems.com

Houston & Bowery 2, originally uploaded by emilyrems.

Couldn’t sleep last night. Went shopping for birthday gifties, watched Gilmore Girls Season 5, Disc 5 on DVD, went to the gym at midnight, made garlic shrimp fettucini, did dishes, screamed at the roaches audaciously strolling around my kitchen like they own the place, still couldn’t sleep. Feel like roadkill now. If I make it through today and don’t end up hospitalized for “exhaustion” like Lindsey Lohan, then I hope to see everyone who’s anyone tomorrow night for X-treme fun tymes…

*LCF’s Birthday!!!*
January 25, 2007
10 PM
Niagara Bar
112 Ave. A (@ 7th St., NYC)
Cost : FREE!
Royal Pink is headlining the ever-awesome Antagonist Art party at Niagara Bar. Dance your pants off to our new and improved set! Rejoice in the free cover charge! Meet fabulous up-and-coming- artists in the art show curated by Emily Rems, including: Kiki from Faux Mustache, Matt Schwartz from She Hit Pause Studios, Ian Allen from Cherry Red, Logan del Fuego from Lucien Kiiva, and the winsome Rachel Teumim! Celebrate LCF’s birthday with us! A good time is guaranteed or we’ll give you your free admission back.

Amy Winehouse at Joe’s Pub, originally uploaded by emilyrems.

If you’re not already obsessed with brit motown pop genius Amy Winehouse, you will be by the time summer rolls around, I guarantee it. Her new album will be hitting stores in March, but in the meantime she’s totally blowing up stateside. I saw her play to a packed Joe’s Pub on Tuesday backed up by no fewer than 10 hot guys called the Dap Kings (2 sizzling back-up dancers/singers, 3 horns, bass, 2 guitars, keyboard, drums) and the scene was impressive. Halfway through the gig, I even spied Jay-Z watching her very intently from his perch under the exit sign, so watch your ass Beyonce! Seriously though, the show was marvy, and Amy was delightfully drunk and weird. Her diction was flawless when she sang, but she had a pretty serious stutter when she took breaks to request whiskey sours from stage and exchange indecipherable private jokes with friends in the audience. She also did a lot of weird crouching to drink on the floor during instrumental interludes and there was much ocd tugging of the crotch area of her cocktail dress. But then she would bust out with that fantastic wail from beneath her towering ratty bouffant and was fully in control again like the long lost daughter of Ronnie Spector. Get on the train before it leaves the station here.

The Pop Man Cometh, originally uploaded by emilyrems.

The gentleman pictured above is dream-a-liscious. My job last night was to chat on the phone with him for an hour. Rough life eh? He told me that back in the day, there was an underground freak show in Times Square filled with totally fake human oddities and it was next to an excellent Chinese noodle house. Anyone know what he could be talking about? Enquiring minds want to know…

er+eb=TLF, originally uploaded by emilyrems.

Finally made it up to MA over the weekend to bond with my BFF Johanna and snuggle up with her presh lil’ baby Emlyn (note how awes he looks rocking the black onesie I got him!) A sweet time was had by all, and after I got over my fear of crushing him when I held him, I found that I could get him to stop crying by either swinging things over his head, or singing him power ballads from the ’80s. Rock on! In the aftermath of my visit, however, I (suprise, surprise) had yet another baby nightmare:

I was at a big pool party at someone’s palatial estate. They had a huge indoor pool that started on the covered roof deck and went all the way down a few floors to a glass walled lounge where people could sit and watch the people swimming around through a big window. I was feeling self-conscious about walking around in my bathing suit, and I really wanted to get in one of the jacuzzis, but every time I was about to get in the water, everyone would get out, so I would stay out because I didn’t want to be the only one in the giant pool by myself. Eventually people started leaving the party, so I started wandering towards the exit. I entered a kitchen/dining area, and I saw a baby lying unattended on the kitchen table. I went over to the baby and decided to sit with it until someone came back to claim it, since it wasn’ t safe just lying on a table all alone. For some reason, the baby’s head was resting on a small dinner plate, but I didn’t think that was a big deal, so I just rubbed the baby’s belly and let it grip my pinkie with it’s tiny hands for a while. Eventually the mother, a thin, tan, frosted lady bristling with entitlement came barging in with an entourage and came over to the baby. She picked the baby up and started screaming at me that the baby’s head was squished into the plate, that I was killing her baby, and that I had to call an ambulance or the baby would die. I tried to explain that I had just found the baby like that, I didn’t squish the baby’s head onto the plate, and besides, the baby was fine and happy and didn’t look squished at all. The mother wouldn’t listen, she was just frantic and screaming at me and telling me over and over the baby was going to die and it was all my fault. I went searching for a phone to call an ambulance, and got all stressed out because I could see nothing wrong with the baby and I didn’t even know where I was or whose house it was or what to tell them. Then I woke up in a sweat.

Classic.

FOOD PORN - KATZ’S DELI, originally uploaded by emilyrems.

Cliche as it may be, LCF and I pledged to get in rock star shape together this year. So it is with a heavy heart that I bid a bittersweet adieu to the massive munchies that comforted me throughout 2006, like these mouth watering pastrami sandwiches we scarfed down at Katz’s. Farewell my slow-cooked friends. With every bite of raw produce I take, I be missing you. Sniff.

HO HO HOS, originally uploaded by emilyrems.

Some people are depressed that the season of sexy santa outfits has now passed, but not me. My favorite month is always January because that’s when all the sexy Martin Luther King Jr. window displays go up. After all, NYU freshmen have a dream too…to tart up in rayon novelty outfits at Ricky’s.