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Dirty Found #2, originally uploaded by emilyrems.

So, here’s the story. Like, a million years ago (OK more like three) a craaaazay teen girl started IMing my boss because she thought my boss was her BF Kyle. Even though my boss kept IMing her back telling her she was making a mistake, the girl kept being all like “shut up Kyle, I know it’s you” and kept sending my boss increasingly freaky/dirty/scary messages for a couple of days. These IMs were too insane and amazing not to share, so our whole office quickly became obsessed with them, and in my infinite wisdom I sent them off to FOUND magazine and then promptly forgot all about ‘em. Now, three years later, I get an email this morning from the adorable Jason Bitner of FOUND, who has since started a lascivious sister publication called Dirty FOUND, devoted to the seedier side of found correspondence. He says he wants to put the IMs I sent him in the upcoming Dirty FOUND #3! Which totes rules! Hooray! I’m not gonna jump the gun by copying all the awesomeness here, you’ll have to snag the mag for that, but here’s a little taste…

From:
To:
Subject: (no subject)
Date: Fri, 28 Mar 2003 16:02:12 -0800 Hey Babe,
Y the hell is u ignorin me? Is u wantin 2 break up wit me o
somethin? I sure hope u is just tired cuz ure really pissin me
off. I really want u 2 come over so than u can c me room n all.
I bought these really cute G’s and Thongs lyke 12 ov m n u shud c
them. R u really the type of guy that i can give a blowjob 2 n
we’s can Fuck or r u just sayin that? well em me bak k sexy o n u
cudnt look ugly even if u tried so trust me u’ll still be the
sexiest guy n skool. Love u lots and c/m

Love Tiff

You can try to tell me that didn’t rule, but I’ll just stare you down and call you a liar, because you so know it does.

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