My Triumphant Return
I have, in fact, returned in one piece from Israel. Did JEW miss me??? I’m super glad that I “forced” myself to go. I had many wacky adventures in the sand, had too many fancy dinners, and ended up travelling with a totally hilarious gang of journalists I hope to hang out with more in the future. I’m completely overwhelmed with the prospect of writing about all the crazy stuff I did, so look out for the link to my narrated flickr series coming in the next few days. In the meantime, here are a scant few notes on the holy land.
1. Everyone has a cell phone. Some have two or three. These cell phones are always going off, everywhere, all the time. My favorite example of this was when a wizened old Rabbi was giving us a lecture on Kabbalah, and his shit kept blowing up every five minutes from his vest pocket with a rousing rendition of the Mexican Hat Dance. Apparently that’s the shrill-ass ring he gave his yenta wife.
2. There are wild cats running around everywhere, just like rats in NYC, only cuter. It is not at all unusual to be eating outside and feel one rubbing up against your leg begging for hummus.
3. Israel is the house that lemoade built. It’s everywhere. Every day and in every way. Lemonade.
4. You can get Absinthe, but not easily. One out of ten bars I asked for it in had it. And it was a ye olde crusty bar in Jerusalem. Yumm.
5. On the holiday of Lag Ba’omer, teens run around all night on the beach in Tel Aviv, lighting illegal bonfires which the popo try in vain to put out, and getting all frisky with each other till the break of day. See upcoming flickr page for more hormonal details.
6. One of my favorite parts of the trip happened on our first night. Our guide was reading aloud to us at a restaurant from a short story collection by our guest Etgar Keret. Just as he started to read a passage where the main character, a coroner, cut into the head of a suicide bomb victim and was surprised to find her head filled with tumors, dessert was served. The desserts were mini, individual, molten chocolate cakes, so as we were cutting into them, the character was cutting into the brain in the story. As we cut our cakes, all this goo came pouring out, just as the character discovered the tumors. It was both gross and awes.